3 Encouragements for Single Moms during the Holidays

My first holiday season as a widowed mom included our move from the church parsonage where we had been living to our new apartment. But this move wasn’t until December, and despite my small emotional capacity, I couldn’t wait that long to decorate. I set up our Christmas tree with all its ornaments in the parsonage, while I packed up everything else we owned into boxes. The day before the move, I stuffed the tree into the back of my car and set it up in the apartment. I remember sitting on the cold, bare floor among ugly, yellow walls, staring at the tree and thinking about how daunting the next month felt. 

How would I balance time with just my daughter and time with our extended family?
Should I buy myself a Christmas gift?
Was it worth it to cook a big meal? Would frozen pizza feel festive enough?

Having made it through those painful “firsts,” here’s the encouragement I would go back and tell myself: 

1. Grief and joy can coexist. 

Most of us are grieving something around the holidays. There is usually someone we wish was here or something we wish was different. The disappointments, the challenges, and the grief all seem to ring louder during this season. The grief of single motherhood is no different. Regardless if this is your first year or fifteenth year as a single parent, the grief has probably changed, but it’s still there and can be an extra weight to navigate. 

But we can still experience this season of joy while working through our grief. We don’t have to give up one for the other. We are all living in the tension of a post-fall reality in some way or another. Even some common Christmas songs bring us into these tender moments:

A thrill of hope—the weary world rejoices.[1]

And in despair I bowed my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong, and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, goodwill to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep”[2]

These songs paint images of great joy at the coming of Christ, the Savior of the world. But they also position this joy within the context of human hurt and weariness. They wrestle with the tension of what it feels like to live in a broken world while celebrating our God who saves. We can do the same.

You can enjoy the excitement on your kids’ faces when they see their gifts and grieve that their dad is not here. Your heart can be full of gratitude for the birth of Christ and your heart can be heavy from the weight of fractured relationships. Celebrating the birth of Christ does not require us to set aside our hurting hearts. In our hurt, we see and treasure Christ. We remember the baby who would grow up to be the Suffering Servant.[3] We remember Jesus who entered our broken world and died to save us. We have joy in this salvation. We fix our hope in him, and we bring him our hurt.

2. You are not alone. 

Holidays can feel especially lonely for single moms. Family dynamics can be hard when relationships aren’t what we want them to be. Going to church and seeing other families spending the season together all dressed up can be a painful reminder that our life is different. With all the extra things to do, places to go, and gifts to buy, it’s draining making every decision on our own, and it can be easy to feel like no one sees all the little things that make our lives hard.

But we are not alone. God is with us. This is our Christmas hope. Jesus Christ, Emmanuel, has come to us.[4] But this is not just a Christmas hope; this is our hope on our hardest days. Hold fast to this truth through the holidays, through January and the rest of the year: God is with you. He is good to you. You are not alone.

3. You are free to be Mom.

There seems to be so much more to do during this time of year and pressure to make all the moments special for our kids. For single moms, there is an added weight of trying to fill the shoes of a missing dad. But we can’t—and we're not called to—be both parents. 

I have come to treasure the truth that God did not entrust me the task to be my daughter’s savior, and he doesn’t ask me to be more than her mom. God’s grace to send his Son to save us from our sins is big enough to carry us through this holiday season, no matter how many activities we do or places we go. His grace is big enough for all the things we don’t do this year as well. Our kids need Jesus more than they need two parents—more than they need us. In our limitations, especially at this time of year, we get to point our kids to the only perfect Savior.  

So, release yourself from the pressure to be all the things for your kids. Lean in to what God has called you to do today—to be their mom, to point them to Jesus. God’s grace will cover and carry you in that. 

These months will be hard because being a single mom is hard. Yet celebrating Christ’s birth is refreshing to our souls—pointing us forward in hope to the day when all our tears and troubles will be wiped away.[5] The holidays are going to come, but grief and joy can co-exist this season. You are not alone, mama.

[1] ​Adolphe Adam / John S. Dwight, “​O Holy Night​!” (Public domain)​ 

​​[2] ​Henry W. Longfellow, “​I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day​” (Public domain)​​ 

​​​[3] Isaiah 53​​ 

​​​[4] Isaiah 7:14​​ 

​​​[5] Revelation 21:4​