When You’re Not Enough: 4 Ways to Trust God as a Single Mom
I notice it most when I’m sitting in the high school gym. I walk through the double doors and search for a place on the bleachers to sit. Fans fill the seats, parents and students who have come to see their favorite players hit a three-point shot or make the defensive play of the game. I hesitate at the door. Where can I sit where I won’t be conspicuous? What space on the bleachers can I find that looks appropriate for only one?
In the three years since my husband died suddenly and unexpectedly, I’ve learned to navigate many of the responsibilities of single parenthood. With the help of a cadre of supporters, I’ve figured out how to get my kids to sports and music practices. Dinner times that used to feel overwhelming for one adult have become a team effort with kids loading the dishwasher and helping with food prep.
But as adept as I become at juggling the responsibilities of single motherhood, a hole in my heart still remains. A distant echo whispers, “It wasn’t supposed to be this way.” When God designed man and woman, he made them to work together, to build a family together. Single motherhood was never the divine plan. In those moments at the high school gym, that echo grows into a deafening roar. I am all alone. I was never supposed to be alone. How can I truly mother my children well without my husband at my side?
When we trust in Christ, God offers us his Holy Spirit to guide, encourage, and strengthen us. Regardless of what brings us to single motherhood, he promises to give each of us what we need to embrace our task with joy. Does that feel hard to believe? If so, you’re not alone. Let’s take a peek at how another single mom—the Old Testament widow of Zarephath—discovered God’s sufficiency and how we can do the same today.
Acknowledge your scarcity
First Kings 17 tells us the story of the prophet Elijah and his interaction with a single mom. When Elijah, directed by the Lord, asks her for a simple lunch, she replies that times are tough. Food has run low, enough that hopelessness is setting in. “I am gathering a couple of sticks that I may go in and prepare it for myself and my son, that we may eat it and die,” the mom tells Elijah in despair (17:12).
Whether we worry about paying the bills on a single income or wonder how we can ever adequately parent our teen alone, single moms all feel the darkness of despair creep in from time to time. We can trust that God has given us “all things that pertain to life and godliness” (2 Peter 1:3) but also acknowledge the real lack in our lives. The job of raising children is huge, a responsibility ideally shouldered by two. Like the widow of Zarephath, it’s okay to be honest with God and say we don’t have all it takes to do this work alone. Our transparency with God and with those who love us can be the starting place for finding true joy and contentment in the God over our circumstances.
Stop the comparison game
With honesty as our starting point, God invites us to stop looking around us and do the work he has set before us. In response to the widow’s desperation, Elijah replies, “Do not fear; go and do as you have said” (1 Kings 17:13). He doesn’t correct her or tell her to look around and see who’s got it worse or put life into perspective. He simply tells her to do her next right thing.
For many of us single moms, this is the word we need most to receive. When we look for a seat on the bleachers, we can acknowledge the sadness we might feel but also refrain from unhelpful comparisons with other two-parent families. We can just sit down. When we consider our jumbled schedule of responsibilities, we don’t have to set our list next to someone else’s. We can just complete the next task before us. God knows both the challenges we face and that his grace is all-sufficient to care for what concerns us. And so, without further ado or explanation, he invites us to look straight forward and walk toward what he’s called us to do.[1]
Act out of trust in God’s abundance
If you’re like me, you’ve learned to shoulder through. Single motherhood takes guts, and whether or not you always like the work, you’ve learned to do it anyways. But honesty plus faithfulness to the task doesn’t necessarily produce joy. Sometimes it breeds bitterness instead.
I suspect Elijah knew this when he talked to the widow of Zarephath. So, as he instructed her on her next right step, he included an extra request. “First make me a little cake of it and bring it to me, and afterward make something for yourself and your son” (17:13). Subtly, Elijah invited the mom to refocus her heart on God’s provision.
As solo moms, we have too few resources, too little time, and too limited energy to do all the things God has placed before us. Yet maybe single motherhood is precisely the experience that invites us to behold God’s abundance in new ways. In the widow’s case, the instruction to entrust her resources to God’s service preceded the fulfillment of sufficiency. The same may be the case for you and me. Faith may precede sight, but embracing single motherhood with joy means embracing this posture of hope. We can claim Jesus’ promise that, through his resurrection power, he has given us everything we need for life and godliness.[2]
Receive God as your parent
The story of the widow of Zarephath ends with some of the most beautiful words in all of Scripture: “Her household ate for many days. The jar of flour was not spent, neither did the jug of oil become empty” (17:15-16). When it seemed least likely, God provided. When the widow’s heart was hesitant and doubting, God showed up, not just once but over and over again. God became both the providing partner and parent that this single mom needed.
In the end, our worries about being enough are fueled by love. We love our children and we want them to be okay. As we embrace single motherhood, how much more does God long for our flourishing too? In his loving care, we can acknowledge our neediness, receive his care and provision, and sink into his arms for rest. Whatever motherhood brings, we can trust that our loving heavenly Father will always be enough for us.
[1] Isaiah 30:21
[2] 2 Peter 1:3
