5 Prayers for Fighting Perfectionism in Motherhood
How is this allowed? I think, two days after my daughter is born. As we wait to be discharged from the hospital, I’m struck by the realization that though I’d birthed this beautiful, tiny human, I actually have no idea what I’m doing from here on out. I haven’t passed any courses on parenting, have no prior experience being a mom—and they’re just going to let me take her home?
Nowadays, with my firstborn solidly in tween territory, I’m still surprised sometimes to find myself entrusted with the care of four precious souls. On good days, I think about this with a sense of awe. Often though, wonder is eclipsed by anxiety and guilt. The weighty task of motherhood can feel impossibly heavy when you struggle with spiritual perfectionism.
What if my sins and shortcomings scar my children for life?
What if I make the wrong choice for my children regarding schools/friends/church/etc. and they end up falling away from Jesus?
Why am I so bad at being a Christlike mom?
Are these thoughts signs that I don’t believe the gospel? That I’m not a Christian?
If you find yourself burdened with similar concerns, you are not alone. Many Christians, deeply desiring to please God, wrestle with persistent anxiety and guilt around his perfect standards.
The good news for the mom struggling with perfectionism is that God knows, and he cares. And in his care, he invites us to bring our burdens to him.[1] Here are five prayers you may find helpful as you come to the Shepherd of your soul.
When You’ve Sinned and You Know It
A cutting word to a child lagging behind in a grocery aisle. An exasperated sigh toward a struggling teen. Sometimes, our guilt about such things is a sign that we’ve fallen short of Jesus’s call to holy perfection[2] and that even as we seek to raise our children in the instruction of the Lord, our Heavenly Father is working to conform us to his image.
When you’re convicted of disobeying God, know that he doesn’t point out your sins to shame you. God disciplines those he loves, and he does it for the sake of a harvest of righteousness and peace.[3] He reveals sin not to condemn but so that you may turn to him. Thus, you can run to his throne of grace with confidence, knowing he has promised to pardon and cleanse[4]: “God, forgive me. Thank you, Jesus, for making me clean.” Each moment is a chance for a fresh start in Christ.
When You’re Burdened by Expectations from Every Direction
Sometimes, in our desire to walk in God’s way, we begin to feel guilty for not choosing the same methods of discipleship, schooling, devotions, or homemaking as other godly Christians. Here, we may be confusing explicit biblical commands with various permissible ways to obey them.
If you are feeling overwhelmed with guilt about standards that feel impossible to meet, it may be helpful to consider whether those standards are actually from God. As you study his Word, ask God to show you what obedience to Scripture’s commands looks like for you—in your season of parenting, with your limits and gifts, with your family, and in your circumstances: “God, give me wisdom and discernment to know which standards are from you.” Ask Jesus to remove any man-made burdens so that you can take up his yoke instead.[5]
When You’re Discouraged about the Slowness of Your Sanctification
Perhaps you’re newer to the faith and it feels like you’ll never catch up spiritually. Or maybe you’ve followed Jesus for many years and feel discouraged that you’re still not as joyful or loving as you should be. When wrestling with discouragement at not being “there yet,” consider the apostle Paul’s words to Timothy. Instructing this young leader to train himself in God’s Word and work, Paul writes, “Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress” (1 Timothy 4:15). It is not our perfection but progress in the faith that our children need to see.
I’ve often said that one reason I’m convinced God is real is that I’ve witnessed him change my family. My parents aren’t perfect, but I’ve had front row seats to God’s transforming work in them. How has God worked in you since you came to know him? Any growth in Christlikeness is a miraculous act of his grace. So take heart as you seek him: “God, thank you for how you’ve changed me! Let my children continue to see my progress in the faith.”
When You’re Afraid of Harming Your Kids through Missing God’s Will
When making decisions, perfectionist moms can often wonder, Am I really doing God’s will? We fear our missteps will not only displease God but harm those we love.
In these times, I find it helpful to remember that God will not let my choices be the final word in my children’s lives. His love and power mean he is able to use even people’s evil actions to accomplish his good plan.[6] How much more then will he be pleased to use our efforts to follow him—imperfect though they may be—in the lives of our children? Thus, a prayer as we rest in his providence: “God, you love my children more than I do.” As much as we care for them and their future, God is caring for them perfectly.
When All You Can See Is Your Failures as a Christian Mom
If you struggle with perfectionism, you may find yourself coming to the end of your day with a litany of how you’ve failed. But be comforted knowing that your heavenly Father is delighted in your efforts to please him today.
Think of your own child—how you’d feel if your son took the initiative to serve the family or how delighted you would be if your daughter, after being corrected, made real efforts to be kinder to her siblings. If we, as imperfect parents, would receive with delight a drawing from a toddler who says, “Mommy, I made this for you!” how much more encouraging, gracious, and kind will our Father be to receive us? Assured by his kindness, even as we struggle, we can pray as we lay our heads to rest, “God, thank you for delighting in my efforts to please you today. In Jesus’s name, Amen.”
[1] 1 Peter 5:7
[2] Matthew 5:48
[3] Hebrews 12:11
[4] 1 John 1:9
[5] Matthew 11:28-29
[6] Genesis 50:20; Acts 2:23
