5 Ways to Nurture Community When Mothering Littles

In a culture that tries its best to convince us that we can be supermoms, it’s no wonder that we often find ourselves feeling confused and exhausted. Why is the joy promised us in motherhood so often overshadowed by stress and busyness? Why does raising tiny humans feel so hard?

The truth is, we’re fighting an uphill battle as Christian women striving to raise godly kids in an increasingly godless world. Countless messages tell us to conform to the cultural standards, to rely on our own strength, or to look inward for the wisdom we need to thrive in this season. “You are enough!” “Believe in yourself!” “Follow your heart!” In the midst of all of this noise, one of our greatest needs is community—to help us sift through lies and keep our eyes fixed on God. We were designed to live our lives together, not in isolation.[1] And yet, finding genuine community—a place of safety, growth, and support—is not an easy task for moms with little ones.

My dear sisters, I’m not here to give you the magical solution to make your fears and despairing thoughts fade away, but I am here to link arms with you and to encourage you with some practical and faithful ways to stand firm in the gap[2]—as you raise your tiny disciples and as you seek hope and healing for yourself in the midst of motherhood.

1. Make space for friendship.

Friendships with other moms in the throes of breastfeeding, potty training, and tantrums are far from easy and can seem so incredibly daunting. But the fact remains: we need other women in our lives. And if you’re an introvert or you’re convinced that friends just mean drama, remember that friendship is a gift meant to give sweet rest, wise counsel, and emotional safety.[3] Start saying “yes” to what feels most manageable for you in this season. Be flexible and consider doing what you’re already doing (walks to the playground, baking bread, laundry during nap time) with another mama! There’s no need to reinvent the wheel—pray for opportunities to gather with women within the context of your current life rhythms. And then, be willing to say, “Yes.” 

2. Persevere in gathering. 

We can’t fight well together if we don’t know each other, and we can’t know each other if we don’t spend time together. There are a lot of reasons not to be consistent in gathering . . . nap schedules, sleep regressions, sickness, potty training, and bedtimes—just to mention a few. Let’s face it—when stress goes up, motivation to gather goes down. But what if putting our village on the back burner actually increases our stress levels? Even though it may feel easier in the moment, avoiding or postponing relationships or gatherings with other women often adds a different kind of stress: loneliness.

We’re only self-sabotaging our spiritual journeys by thinking we can go it alone (even for a season). The call is for us too: “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (Hebrews 10:24-25). We must persevere, even through these trying years with littles underfoot (perhaps especially now!), and invest in our own support system. Let’s be the friend we need to someone else.

3. Dare to be vulnerable.

The truth is, none of us have it all together. What better way to fight the comparison trap than to choose vulnerability over superficiality? If we can’t be honest with others about our struggles, then we can’t expect them to be honest with us about theirs. Vulnerability begets more vulnerability. When we invite others into the mess instead of trying to hide it, we actually help loosen the chains of perfectionism and shame. How much easier it is to fight the lies of super-motherhood when these burdens are lifted, and what sweet relief to know that we don’t have to be perfect mamas to be faithful mamas. 

4. Press into your mothering instincts.

As moms, we are by nature nurturers and life-givers.[4] And it’s not only about bearing life in our bodies—in fact, it even translates to other relationships! This desire and ability to manage chaos, miraculously heal boo-boos, solve problems, and provide a safe place to land are part of God’s incredible design. And as we nurture, we operate as human containers for emotions and experiences. What if we engaged in one another’s suffering as we do for our children—offering our comfort, our understanding, our calm? Sometimes, in the midst of mothering our own, we reach a breaking point and need to be mothered ourselves. What if we allowed God to use us, in the very capacity in which he designed us, to nurture the nurturers? 

5. Embrace your season. 

Inevitably, we will experience seasons of plenty and seasons of scarcity, even when it comes to relationships. And if we avoid or pass over the relationships we are given in this season, just because they may not be the ones we expected or hoped for, we may miss how God is trying to meet a specific need for us right now. Not every woman who comes into our lives may be a bestie, but that doesn’t make the relationship any less significant. The Lord in his kindness works beyond our expectations and beyond our shortsighted prayers to provide for us and care for us relationally. May we look back on our lives one day and see a colorful array of women who have left their marks on us—who have left us more holy than when they met us. 

Together, may we pursue healthy community for the sake of our families, our friends, and our own sanctification. We are nurturers, after all, and what a precious and holy calling that is specifically ours as women of God. And though our gentle nurturing may belie our fierce strength, we are also warriors. We are strong in number as we join in sacred fellowship—able to accomplish more together than we could individually. And we are equipped and empowered by communion with our King, who provides everything we need and promises to hold us fast until we reach the shores of heaven. Whether together or apart, we are warriors, and we were made for this. 

[1] Genesis 2:18

[2] Ezekiel 22:30

[3] Proverbs 27:9

[4] Genesis 3:20; Psalm 131:2; Isaiah 66:13; 1 Thessalonians 2:7