Hidden Goodness: When God’s “No” Means “Yes”

My three-year-old loves to recount things. She lists her elaborate plans for the day. She meticulously reviews all that transpired throughout her day at bedtime. She passionately acts out a show she watched or an exciting event that occurred. In all her record-keeping and recounting, she also makes sure we know all the times one of us tells her “no" throughout the day. 

One morning, we returned from a walk (which I said yes to) that included animal crackers (which I said yes to), a stop at the neighborhood library (which I said yes to), and some giggle-inducing stroller antics (which I, again, said yes to). But what did my daughter decide to recount to my husband when we got home? “Daddy, I wanted to stop and read my book at the big rock, but Mama said, ‘No.’” 

I gave my husband a defeated glance and asked (whined?) out loud, “Why can’t she tell you all the things I say yes to instead of just the noes?'' I didn’t really expect an answer. But my husband replied matter-of-factly, “She takes you for granted. She hasn’t known life apart from your goodness to her.” 

That last line stopped me in my tracks, and I keep coming back to it still: “She hasn’t known life apart from your goodness.” 

Once again, I realized the gap between myself and toddler tendencies isn’t as big as I would like to think. How often do I take living in God’s gracious goodness for granted? How often do I keep a running list of all the seeming "noes'' in life, failing to see the many “yeses'' my Heavenly Father has given me?

How easily we forget the mercy extended to us through Jesus Christ’s atoning work through the cross and resurrection. Where would we be without this mercy? Michael Horton helpfully explains: “If we read the Bible carefully, we conclude that everyone, as a creature made in God’s image, has a personal relationship with him. Therefore, God is, after the fall, either in the relationship of a judge or a father to his creatures. And God, who is present everywhere at all times, will be forever present in hell as the judge.”[1] 

Because of the gospel, Christ followers don’t have to know life or eternity apart from God’s goodness.[2] Believers have been spared the full force of his absolute judgment because Christ received it all on the cross: “He was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5). 

While we can rest in Christ’s finished work, just as I want my daughter to rest in my unconditional love for her as my child, we must be vigilant to not let ourselves grow forgetful, weary, spoiled, or discontent by this mercy that is new every morning.[3] We must pray fervently for God to renew our minds to see his goodness in the land of the living.[4] It may be easy to see his goodness when the sun is shining, the coffee just right for the drinking, the children well-behaved, the bill of health clean, the bank account comfortable, the job undemanding, the night’s sleep deep and long, the spouse loving and supportive, and the relationships uncomplicated. But can we still see his goodness when any or all of those circumstances are reversed? May we not mistake his provided bread for stones.[5] May we not mistake his “noes” as unloving. 

What my daughter didn’t realize is that when I said “no” to spending time reading at the rock, I was saying “yes” to us returning home in time to say goodbye to my husband before he left for work. I had her best interest in mind, though she couldn’t see it. God, being the omniscient, all-knowing God that he is, works in a similar way, carefully orchestrating the world and everything in it in accordance to his will. As John Piper famously once tweeted, “God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them.” [6] Our Father longs to give us good things—maybe in the form of a “yes” or even a “no”—but we can trust that all his answers are for our utmost good, for that which conforms us to the image of his Son.[7]

As I seek to help my daughter grow in contentment and gratefulness, helping her see the many hidden “yeses” in life, may I train my own heart alongside hers. Our God is the God who gives and takes away,[8] who says “yes” and who says “no,” not as an unloving judge, but as a loving, all-knowing Father to his children. May we, as those children, see that all of life finds its “yes” in Christ.[9] May we seek and savor his goodness throughout our days and together recount, “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life” (Psalm 23:6).

[1] https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/hell-not-separation-god/

[2] Jeremiah 32:40; Romans 8:38-39; 1 John 5:11

[3] Lamentations 3:22-23

[4] Psalm 27:13

[5] Matthew 7:9-11

[6] https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/god-is-always-doing-10000-things-in-your-life

[7] Romans 8:28-29

[8] Job 1:21

[9] 2 Corinthians 1:20 

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