Meaningful Meals: Reflecting Christ’s Heart around the Table
Meals are compelling. To sit and break bread with those we love signifies belonging and grace. There’s a reason Norman Rockwell’s image of a family gathered around a home-cooked meal became one of his most famous paintings. Such images evoke deep longing in many of us.[1]
Yet for many in the West, shared meals—where members of a family are gathered around a table—are rare. In fact, the average American family only has three dinners together per week.[2] Obstacles to family meals are endless—conflicting activity schedules, traffic-filled commutes, and cranky toddler bedtimes. Getting everyone sitting around the table at the same time can feel like a Herculean accomplishment.
And once we do get everyone at the table, things aren’t immediately idyllic. Everyone might be talking (or screaming) at once. There’s fighting over who gets to serve the butter and crying over purple lettuce. (It’s a travesty to have that on your plate.) Or, worse, there might be no conversation at all.
The very fellowship we long for with our families can feel elusive. We live in a fallen world and a fallen culture. Our families are made up of fallen people—including us. And even good things can make regular meals together feel impossible. Are they even worth the stress?
Mealtime Ministry
God’s Word shows us his heart for table fellowship; meals and ministry often go hand-in-hand. The examples of transformational, covenant-forming, vocation-shaping, and heart-molding moments that happen over food are too numerous to recount, but here’s a sampling:
In the opening pages of Genesis, after God has created man and woman, he invites them to eat.[3] Abraham serves a meal to the messengers of the Lord shortly before finding out he and Sarah will conceive Isaac in their old age.[4] Before God calls his people out of slavery in Egypt, he instructs them to prepare and share a meal together as families.[5] The book of Leviticus is filled with detailed prescriptions for when, why, and how the nation of Israel was to feast. These special feast days were to be times of remembrance, awe, and worship.[6]
Fast forward to the New Testament and the life of Jesus was so characterized by eating and drinking with people that the religious leaders of his day called him a glutton.[7] After calling Levi the tax collector to follow him, Jesus eats a meal with him and other “sinners.”[8] Jesus commemorated the New Covenant, before his death, through a Last Supper shared with the ones he loved.[9] And the resurrected Jesus restored Peter to fellowship with himself over breakfast.[10]
Jesus demonstrated through his life that meals matter, so we too can prioritize them in our homes. In striving for meaningful table fellowship with our families, even with nonverbal babies and toddlers, we are modeling the heart of Jesus—who had compassion on the crowds and provided them a meal even after a long day of teaching.[11]
Mealtime Methods
Every family is going to be different and there’s not a one-size-fits-all approach to meals. But in our family, I’ve found our mealtimes go best when I prepare myself and my family in advance through a few simple strategies:
Prioritize spiritual nourishment. In many ways, the first step towards a life-giving table is a Spirit-filled heart. When we invest in prayer and the Word earlier in the day—our spiritual food—it equips us to gather and nurture our families and friends through physical food later. Preparation for dinner starts with preparing our hearts to love, serve, and minister the gospel to each other.
Pursue togetherness. Sometimes, we have work commitments, sports schedules, or unavoidable obstacles to regularly sitting down together as a family. But if this is the case, we can still creatively weave in other opportunities for fellowship—even if it’s just a snack together before dashing off to soccer. Let’s pray and ask God to provide the ability for shared meals and then sacrifice when possible, to make this happen.
Incorporate help—on the front and backend. As impossible as it may feel to have small hands trying to “help,” eventually they do start to help. Let’s ask the Lord to give us creativity in assigning tasks and invite the whole family into the process. Setting the table, clearing the table, loading the dishwasher, cutting tomatoes with a dull serrated knife, filling water cups, or peeling shrimps are a few things my young kids often do.
Wait for everyone to sit before beginning. When kids start eating before mom is sitting down, it can feel less like a family gathering and more like the mommy restaurant. Screaming toddlers are hard (trust me, I know); but training them to wait (or distracting/redirecting them) until everyone is seated can help us all engage better.
Start with prayer. Asking for God’s blessing on the meal should be more than a formality. After all, it is God who has given us the model of table fellowship! Let’s pray and ask him to bless our fellowship.
Integrate some ceremony. When we help our table feel inviting, we can demonstrate that it’s a sacred space given by God for our delight. This will look different across cultures and families, and it doesn’t have to be extravagant or burdensome. In my family, we light a candle, use pretty dishes, and usually have a simple natural centerpiece (our go-to is little boxwood branches arranged around an unscented candle). Pray and ask God to bless you with some simple, easy ideas!
Ask intentional questions. What was the best part of your day? What was the hardest part? How did that make you feel? What did you learn about God today? Often, the responses to these questions fall flat. But sometimes, they don’t, and all of a sudden, I look across the table to see my six-year-old deep in thoughtful conversation with his dad over a plate of taco pie.
Set expectations. Determining in advance what kind of behavior we hope to see at the table can help foster an environment of peace. For example, the expectations at my family’s table are that 1) we are all going to sit together until we finish eating, 2) we are going to listen when others talk, and 3) we are not going to dump everything on our plate onto the ground. Will they always be followed? Almost certainly not! But little by little, we can faithfully persevere in calling our families to love one another around the table.
Extend grace to one another. I’m often fried by the end of the day and humbled by my sin. The dinner table is a place of grace—a place for me to apologize to my kids for my anger and a place for them to apologize to me. And it’s also a place to remember that I am not saved on account of the perfect tables I set or the idyllic life I create for my family. No, it is not by works of righteousness that we are saved; it is by grace and grace alone through the shed blood of Jesus Christ.
When I consider my table, I pray my heart always returns to the table prepared for me by Jesus. There will be days that our tables radiate joy and beauty, and there will be days when no one will talk to each other, and everyone hates the food. But on the lovely days and the less-lovely days, my call is the same: to seek after the One who has invited me to taste and see that he is good.[12] He has loved me to the end.[13] And with his help, I can call others to taste and see that he is good also.
[1]https://www.milanartinstitute.com/blog/art-that-changed-the-world-the-freedom-from-want
[2] https://www.newsweek.com/average-american-only-spends-3-dinners-week-loved-ones-poll-shows-1731243
[3] Genesis 1:29
[4] Genesis 18:8
[5] Exodus 12
[6] Leviticus 23 (Feasts of the Lord, Sabbath, Passover, Feast of First Fruits, Feast of Weeks, Feast of Trumpets, Day of Atonement, Feast of Booths); https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/seeing-jesus-in-the-fall-feasts/,
[7] Matthew 11:19
[8] Mark 2:13-17
[9] Matthew 26:17–29; Mark 14:12–25; Luke 22:7–20; I Corinthians 11:23–26
[10] John 21:15-19
[11] Matthew 14:13-21
[12] Psalm 34:8
[13] John 13:1
