Two Truths and a Lie for Nostalgic Mothers
I called it “The Feeling.” A frequent (and unwelcome) interrupter of playtime during my elementary school years, it was an emotional growing pain of sorts. A wistful awareness that I was slowly leaving childhood behind. And a nagging guilt that I should probably be doing something more “grown-up” right now. My family all knew it well, for many a time did I run for counsel and a cry on my mom’s shoulder or leave a sister and dolls in the grass behind me as I regretfully looked for something “more mature” to occupy my time.
Dramatic tendencies notwithstanding, I guess you could say I’ve always had a deep sense of (and struggle with) nostalgia. I’m the one to mourn the end of vacation before it begins or to spend countless hours mulling over old memories and looking through photo books. I’m already crying about my daughter going off to college (and she’s only two).
As I’ve grown, I’ve found that these sentimental tendencies aren’t unique—perhaps especially among moms. While many of us crane forward—waiting for that next stage with our children that will be easier and better than this—a lot of us also struggle with looking back over our shoulders. Moms of school-age kids ache to revisit the newborn cuddles. Empty nesters long for dancing feet and excited voices to fill their halls again. Grandmas reminisce about a motherhood gone by too quickly.
Nostalgia can be a gift to our hearts, helping us remember and treasure the many magical and meaningful moments of our motherhood. But it can also leave us feeling crippled or aimless in the here-and-now. As we apply the gospel, we can learn to handle the past gratefully while remaining present and faithful in the life God calls us to today . . . and tomorrow.
Truth: The Past Is Precious
At its core, nostalgia is “a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for . . . some past period.”[1] While the world, and even our own church culture, often tell us it’s a bad thing to be stuck in the past, God actually commands us to regularly “recall the former days” (Heb. 10:32). As we read through the Psalms especially, we hear again and again the call to remember—the days and wonders of old, the mighty works the Lord has done, and the sum total of his benefits towards his people.[2] God reminds the Israelites countless times of their personal history (his covenants with their forefathers, the Exodus deliverance, his provision in the wilderness, and on and on) so that they would know and trust him more.
As waves of longing for the past hit our own hearts, we can direct them to this end. Our personal history, too, is filled with God’s faithfulness, and as we revisit some of the seasons and stories that have been especially sweet to us, we can turn to praise of the God who gave them. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above” (James 1:17), so we are right to savor those precious moments and appreciate God’s work within them.
Truth: The Past Wasn’t Perfect
At the same time, we all know our human propensity to paint a rose-colored picture of moments gone by. In God’s kindness, many difficult and painful experiences in life do simmer over time, allowing the good and the glorious to rise shining to the surface. It’s why we might be instantly transported back to the smell of a fresh-washed baby, while delivery room anguish and colic-filled hours fade far away. Or why we long to step back inside a family vacation photograph, forgetting the backseat arguments, faulty directions, and lost blankie that made our hair stand on end at the time.
Whenever we get caught up in nostalgia, there’s a temptation to drift into “if-onlys.” If only we could return to a simpler time. If only I had enjoyed that moment more fully. If only I could swap out today for that. But every mom stumbling through church hallways with kids hanging off her legs and Sunday school papers flying around knows the disconnect between reality and nostalgia: “Enjoy the little years! They go so fast!” Yes, they do . . . and no, they don’t. The present is hard, but the past was too, and the reality is: we always want what we don’t now have.
Lie: The Best Is Behind Us
So, if the present is hard and the past wasn’t perfect either, is there hope for our future? A thousand times yes. Childhood is not the best. Vacations and accomplishments and milestones are not the best. Pregnancy, birth, motherhood, and grandmotherhood are not even the best. The best is Jesus, and we’re getting closer by the minute to spending eternity with him. Nostalgia reminds us of the snippets of heaven we may experience here on earth—the love we hold for our children, the pride we feel at their success, the merriment of holidays and birthday parties and snuggles together—but these are just shadows of the truer and better yet to come. Now we see and rejoice in part, but one day, in God’s presence, we will know “fullness of joy” (Ps. 16:11).
And even while we await that coming consummation, God has beautiful things ahead for us in this life too. Part of the reason we can even be nostalgic—to look back and see things with deeper joy and renewed perspective–is because he has been faithfully maturing and growing us every step of the way. We don’t experience or appreciate things the same way we did at ten, twenty, thirty. What we’re doing right now in our homes and families might one day be what we look back on and savor most in seasons ahead.
So, friend—cherish the past and let every beautiful second lead you to worship. But don’t live under its control. Don’t let The Feeling rob you of the opportunity to embrace today and eagerly await what God has for you next. By journeying faithfully forward in life, we’re not stepping away from fulfillment and purpose and happiness—we’re running headlong towards it. As the great C.S. Lewis once wrote to a dying friend, “There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.”[3] Those were the days, these are the days, and the best are still to come.
[1] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/nostalgia
[2] Psalm 77:11; 103:2; 105:5; 143:5
[3] Quoted in: https://essentialcslewis.com/2016/02/13/ccslq-21-far-better-things/
