Patience: More Than a Virtue for Motherhood
The last thing I wanted to hear as I hurried the kids to get ready for church were the words I had spoken to them many times during the week, “Mom, remember patience is a virtue and a fruit of the Spirit.” They can’t remember to say thank you or where they last left their shoes, but they remember this?! I was beyond impatient. I was angry and aggravated—but also convicted. How easy it was to come up with such a memorable and catchy quotable to use on my kids, but how hard it was for me to receive it back from them!
I’ve always considered myself to be pretty patient. I’m often commended for my patience, especially with my kids. But, our children see us when we’re raw and real. They know that I’m storing up all that sweet patience for the public, but when I get home, the bitter nectar of impatience and frustration and annoyance will begin to pour out like oil leaking from an old Mustang. My children see me when I’m at my worst and my best. No child wants their parent to be a hypocrite, putting on a whole different persona in public and when the church folk are around, versus when we’re in the car and there’s tons of traffic and we’re running late for soccer. So my kids called me out. Their repetition of my own words was a rebuke and a reminder to practice what I preach. If I really believe that “patience is a virtue and a fruit of the Spirit,” then I need to act like it.
Patience is a Virtue and a Fruit of the Spirit
We’ve all heard the phrase, “patience is a virtue.” A virtue is a behavior or habit of life that is morally good, desirable, right. It is a universally accepted positive character trait. Patience is the ability to calmly wait or endure hardship without complaint or anger. It usually follows that one’s patience will be rewarded in some way, with a positive outcome or objective reasoning or peace of mind. So as a virtue, to be patient is good because it puts us in a position to think clearly and act wisely in difficult situations. But biblical patience is more than that.
Patience as a fruit of the spirit is a “divine disposition.”[1] It is a communicable attribute of God, meaning it is one that we share with God, though imperfectly. In his generosity and kindness, the Lord has allowed his people to share in some of his attributes. As his children, we are called to be imitators of God, reflecting his character in our thoughts and actions.[2] Patience is a divine disposition because it is an attitude of the heart that is divinely given to us by the Spirit. The fruit of the Spirit is… patience. Yes, as a moral virtue, we can exhibit patience, but as Christians we cannot fully practice biblical patience without the agency of the Holy Spirit. Biblical patience is not merely waiting, but it is waiting on the Lord, for wisdom, for guidance, for his peace, for his presence. Biblical patience is the discipline of being slow to anger, longsuffering (endurance), forbearing (restrained).
Long Nose or Short Nose?
If I asked you what the opposite of patience is, most people would say impatience. However, if we look in Scripture, we see that the word translated “patient” is often referred to as “slow to anger” and comes from two words that mean “long nose” (Ex. 34:6). I was a bit surprised to learn that the opposite of patience is anger, or to be “quick to anger,” or the way we say it back home, to have a short fuse. I imagine an angry bull, snorting and kicking to be let loose in the ring and release it’s angry furor. To have a “short nose” is to be quick for the nostrils to flare in anger. And I see it in myself. When I’m impatient, I can feel anger’s low growl rising to the surface.
But the Lord is “slow to anger.” He does get angry, but his anger is never tainted with sin. His anger is righteous and measured. And because his righteous anger towards our sin was poured out on Jesus, if we are in Christ, he does not treat us as our sins deserve.[3] He does not immediately wipe us out because of our sins against him. He gives us chance after chance, time after time, waiting for his chosen bride to accept the gift of salvation that he offers to his beloved. He is patient toward us, not wanting any to perish but all to repent.[4] Christ himself demonstrates his perfect patience as an example for those of us who trust in him for salvation.[5]
And the Holy Spirit is there to keep our sinful reactions at bay, and to make us not only slow to anger, but to abound in love and steadfast faithfulness. Our culture can only point us to patience as a moral virtue, compelling us to act right and do good, but a biblical understanding of patience helps us to understand that patience is a gift of God to humanity by his Spirit. The fruit of patience encourages us to have a waiting posture of heart, one that echoes Psalm 40:1, “I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry,” and Psalm 37:7–9 which reminds us to wait patiently for the Lord, not fretting, not giving in to anger, not storing up wrath against our enemies, but trusting in the Lord to protect and provide for us and to deal with those whose intentions toward us are evil.
The Patience of Job and Jesus
Biblical patience may also refer to someone who endures hardship without complaint or offense. There are many examples in Scripture where patience and suffering are linked and serve as an example for us to persevere and remain steadfast in our struggles.[6] One of the most expansive examples we see in Scripture is that of Job, a man who endured great hardship, but whose faith in the Lord never wavered. His responses to his friends, family, and even to God demonstrated a mature trust in God to help him make it through. Job lost his entire family, all of his worldly possessions, his health, yet in all these things, Job did not sin but remained steadfast in his suffering.
Of course, we have to mention our Lord and Savior, the suffering he endured, the patience he exhibited, for us. It floors me to think of the patience of Christ, how patiently he guided and taught his disciples, how patiently he corrected his enemies, how patiently he waited for history to slowly unfold before us slowly, giving us all that we would need to turn from our rebellious ways and turn to him in repentance and faith. I know I can never be that patient, but I’m encouraged that Christ’s perfect patience serves as an example for those of us who believe in him.[7]
As a mom of young adults and a teenager, I find that the ways I need to pray for patience now are much different than when my children were younger. As toddlers and adolescents, my patience was tested in expecting more from my kids than they were able to handle at their age. Well, actually, I guess things aren’t so different! I still find that as a mom of a teen and young adults, I sometimes expect more from them than I should given their stage in life. I need to be patient with my young adults as they start their careers and begin to consider things like vocation and homes and taxes and retirement. They are experiencing these things for the first time, and I can be impatient in helping them walk through these new aspects of their lives. In learning to be more patient, I need to check where my anger is coming from. Am I following the example of Christ, who patiently taught and guided his disciples, or am I “short-nosed” with them, flaring up in anger? If Jesus corrected even his enemies with patience, surely I can correct my beloved children with more patience than I sometimes exhibit. May the Lord strengthen us with his power by his Spirit “for all endurance and patience with joy” (Col. 1:11).
[1] A. D. Verhey, “Patience; Patient; Patiently,” ed. Geoffrey W. Bromiley, The International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, Revised (Wm. B. Eerdmans, 1979–1988), 688.
[2] Ephesians 5:1
[3] Jeremiah 25:15; Matthew 26:39
[4] 2 Peter 3:9
[5] 1 Timothy 1:16
[6] James 5:10–11
[7] 1 Timothy 1:16
R|M Apply Questions
Is there something you selfishly want to accomplish or avoid that is causing you to be impatient?
When you are “short-nosed” and easily angered, how might remembering Exodus 34:6 help you?
In the midst of suffering, how can you balance prayers for relief without “rushing the process” in impatience? In other words, how can you persevere with patience in the midst of suffering?
