When Grandparents Are Sick
What do you first think of when you hear the word “grandparents”? Fun trips or sleepovers or being spoiled with loads of sugar and toys? For some, this may be the case. But for me, the word immediately brings to mind opportunities to love those who are hurting and frail. And while this version of “grandparents” has been anything but easy or pleasant, I am learning to see it with eyes of gratitude for what it has given me instead.
My maternal grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s when I was in elementary school. I struggle to remember her before the disease warped her mind, making her forgetful, fearful, and confused. I watched my grandpa selflessly lay down his life and his plans so that he could care well for my grandma. I saw my mom change her mom’s diapers and feed her pureed food when that was all she could manage. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was watching the gospel before my very eyes—“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).
My paternal grandmother was widowed in her early forties and raised three boys alone. When I was in middle school, dementia began to steal her mind. She quickly became a very different person and struggled physically from many falls and broken bones. Towards the end, she couldn’t even form complete sentences. But there was one thing that would calm her down and help her to think clearly again—prayer. When her anxiety and confusion got really bad, I said, “Grandma, will you pray with me?” And I listened in amazement as she prayed for a few minutes straight, in completely understandable sentences of gratitude and pleas for God’s help.
My own precious mom was diagnosed with Parkinson’s when I was just twelve years old. Her health had already declined significantly by the time I became a mom, so she didn’t get to be in the room when I gave birth like I hoped or help with our babies when we first brought them home from the hospital. My dad lost his vigor and strength quickly as he tried to shoulder the burden of her care. Our visits didn’t involve them playing games or chasing kids around, but rather, me prepping my kids with questions like, “What are some ways we can help Grandma and Papa today?” or “How can we bring a smile to their faces?” Both of my parents passed away the year my oldest was six and my youngest one. Most of the memories they’ll carry will be what I tell them or show them in photos, but I have many stories to share with them of what my parents’ lives and faith looked like through the fire.
Whether you are a grandparent wishing you could be more present or a parent watching your kids engage with sick grandparents, there is gospel hope for us all. Your kids are learning eternally significant lessons, even in these challenging circumstances.
Sacrificial Service
First, they are watching you care for your parents and learning to extend compassion as well. You can model how to “do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). But don’t just let them watch—invite them into loving and caring for others the way God calls us to do. Help them think of creative ways to engage with their grandparents, even if it means laying aside their own desires or plans at times.
Eyes on Eternity
Second, you and your kids can be challenged to keep the end in mind. As much as our society tries to avoid death and aging at all costs, none of us make it out of here alive. If grandparents are declining full of confident faith in the Lord, your kids will see an example to be emulated as they live their lives. And if they are watching someone age without a love for the Lord, they will see the emptiness and hopelessness of worldly pursuits.
Frailty and sickness remind us that there are really only two ways to go about life. The first is on a narrow path in pursuit of Jesus, and it comes with the unshakeable hope of heaven. The other is a broad path in pursuit of self, and, while it may feel good in our youth, it doesn’t provide any hope or confidence as we near the end. Walk your kids through these realities as you spend time with their aging grandparents.
Trust through Trial
Third, trust that God is building your kids’ faith in ways you can’t even comprehend as they watch someone they love suffer and confront the reality of our broken world. After all, God promised, “In the world you will have tribulation” (John 16:33). But will they cling to the other half of his promise, taking heart because he has “overcome the world”? Walking through hard things like a grandparent’s illness is shaping how our children view trials—as burdens to avoid or opportunities to cling to God’s strength in weakness and grow in Christlikeness.
Deepening Dependence
Finally, in a society that views weakness and suffering as something to avoid entirely, your family can come to embrace how suffering deepens our dependence on the Lord[1] and on one another in his body.[2]
None of these lessons are without pain and struggle. There will be days that it will hurt excruciatingly to watch those we love most die long, slow deaths or suffer in ways we cannot fix. But what God can forge in the struggle in you and your family will be eternally worthwhile and beautiful. We may not see all the results here on earth, but we can keep looking ahead in faith, trusting that our “light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” (2 Corinthians 4:17).
If we let it, the struggle of having physically unwell grandparents can be an opportunity for us and our kids to know Christ more deeply and long for heaven and the restoration of all things in ways that the absence of trials could not achieve. So, let’s press in to Jesus and what he wants to grow in us and in our kids, even when it hurts. On that day when we see him and all he was accomplishing through these trials, we will say again and again, “It was worth it.” And by his grace, our kids will be standing beside us, saying the same.
[1] 2 Corinthians 1:8-9
[2] Galatians 6:2