It doesn’t take long for us to realize that our fairytale visions of marriage are just that—a fairytale. In real life, marriage tends to be much harder than we imagined. But it can also be much richer. Here’s good news for real marriages.

We didn’t know where we were headed and in many ways, we didn’t mind. God was doing things bigger than us—we were just there for the ride.

The RM Team loves seeing questions roll in when we’re prepping for an “Ask Us Anything” podcast episode with Emily and Laura. Unfortunately, we can’t answer every question submitted to us—there’s not enough time. However, we have a treasure trove of resources and information in our show archives, article archives, and old show notes that have already answered some of the questions we receive. If you didn’t hear Emily and Laura answer your question on this most recent AUA show, check below. We’ve rounded up a collection links from previous RM content (plus a few other sources) to help answer some of the most asked question we received.

Did you catch yesterday's Ask Us Anything episode? Emily and Laura answered many of your most frequently asked questions—from essential oils to date nights to running R|M. But they couldn't answer every question submitted because there's just not enough time! Since we have a treasure trove of RM resources and information on our website, we compiled what we have answered in the past in today’s article on the site. So, if you were listening for a particular question and didn't hear it, check out the website to see if we answered it there! You'll find things like: 

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How do you foster such a great relationship with family members?
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What are some good organizational tips for managing your home?
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What are some practical ways you intentionally show love to your husbands in everyday life?
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How do you include biblical truths in everyday life with a toddler?
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Thank you to everyone who submitted questions for this AUA show. We love hearing from you and are grateful for you all!

The RM Team loves seeing questions roll in whenever we’re prepping for an “Ask Us Anything” podcast episode with Laura and Emily. Unfortunately, we can’t answer every question submitted to us—there’s not enough time and we don’t know or haven’t experienced everything! However, we have a treasure trove of resources and information in our show archives, blog archives, and old show notes. We’ve rallied up a collection links to help answer some of the most asked questions we receive below...

It took me 14 months and a second pregnancy to admit I had a traumatic birth. Nearly a year and a half later, I finally realized what had been hovering over my shoulder like a black cloud, a haze enveloping me ever since the birth of my first...

I think our deepest fears are faced when we experience trauma. In the moments between my body beginning contractions and finally meeting my son, I came the closest to my mortality as a person I had ever been. Traumatic births bring the fragility of our existence front and center...

But there is hope. Coming to us through the very same process we are struggling through, the very process God cursed: Mary carried Christ for nine months, laboring, groaning, and finally delivering our redeemer in a barn.

God used the curse, to break the curse.

I cannot protect my children from everything. But I can point them to the one who can.
 

Today I'm reminded of how far I am from being a good mother, a good friend, a good wife / sister / daughter / church member / volunteer – a good anything! I feel split in two, like I live in the in-between. I want to do better, oh how I long to do better. But the needs keep coming at me and I fail over and over again. I just can't seem to get it together.

At times, it can feel pretty bleak. Why can I not live out what I know, I know? If I have Christ, why do I sometimes feel lost? If I know his promises are true, why do I act like they don't exist?

In high school and college I spent a lot of time in scripture, but as I started working, got married and had really little littles, I wasn't spending a lot of time in the Bible. I hunted and pecked here and there, did a few inductive Bible Studies – my time and depth ebbed and flowed depending on what I was involved in and who was holding me accountable.

And with the lack of time, I felt some of my passion for God dry up. If you asked me, I would have told you I wanted a more passionate relationship with the Lord, but I'd tell you that for one reason or another I was just kinda going through a dry spell. And if I were honest with you – if I were honest with myself – I would have told you that I believed God was the distant one, not me.

I look down at my shoes, worn black Vans, and rub the dried formula off the toe. I hastily tuck my hair behind my ears and catch my baby girl smiling at me from the corner of my eye. I move to the stove to look down at the oatmeal I'm making for breakfast, stirring in raisins and obscene amounts of peanut butter to try to hold off the request for a snack for at least a couple hours.  

There's this thing I've noticed when you become a mom, it happens abruptly beginning with the first night of the first babe, yet I'd be willing to bet that most moms don't even notice it happening. It's subtle, a common thread among all of motherhood - but one that would rather not be noticed, not be plucked out and put on display.

I know you don't feel deserving of his love and admiration. I mean, you wipe butts for a living and still need to lose 15 lbs. from that last baby. But he does love you and somehow still thinks you're beautiful - and you love him all the more for it.
You love him.

So tell him.
 

Ever since we've been married my husband has worked long hours. I don't know why I've ever expected it to change, but I suppose there has always been this hope in me that it would. To give perspective (and I suppose some credibility as to why I'm writing this post), my husband typically works 12 hour days, and though he is supposed to have every other Friday off, he works them about half the time and at times, he is unexpectedly called in on the weekends or in the middle of the night. He also goes through long seasons once or twice a year, working 12-15 hour days (or nights) for anywhere from 30-90 days straight (yes, even weekends), although this past year they introduced "Fatigue Days," where it became a requirement that they give the employees every 14th day off. (I'll be honest, I've always wondered how this could be legal.)

I know there are a lot of professions that require husbands to work long hours and I am not the only mother preparing and eating dinner with the kids by myself. But it can feel like a very lonely road sometimes and it can be tough to know how to talk about it or what to do, because for most of us, we know deep down, it's not going to change anytime soon, so what good does talking about it do?

That said, I'm not writing this to say that I have anything revelatory to add, nor do I always have a good perspective or follow the advice I'm about to share, but in seven years of being married to a man that works long hours and four of which I've been a mom to small children, I have come a long way in my attitude and learned a few tricks to ease the frustration. So to the mom who's husband works long hours, this is my letter to you.