5 Ways to Care for Single Moms

It’s my kids’ dinner time. In one hand, I’m holding my two-year-old’s discarded fork. With the other, I’m checking the location-sharing app on my phone every few minutes. After a long day caring for three kids between the ages of 4 months and 4 years, I can’t wait for the moment my husband’s little orange bubble lurches away from his office towards our house.

As I tap away at my phone, my thoughts turn to my mom. I think about how exhausting and difficult life must have been for her to have four fairly young children at home, with no hope of help coming at half past five.

My parents divorced when I was 13—my siblings were 11, 10, and 8. At that age, I didn’t appreciate how heavy the load my mom carried was. I knew she had a hard time as a single mom when we were badly behaved as children—I could see her sadness and anger when we argued about whose turn it was to load the dishwasher, or exchanged spiteful put-downs at the dinner table, or fought over the TV remote. But much of what she found difficult I didn’t see, either because I didn’t pause to think about all she had to get through in a day, or because she protected me from it.

I now know something of what I didn’t see back then—that my mom was dealing with some of the things that many single moms are familiar with. Things like grieving the loss of her marriage; financial hardship; unresolved legal battles; the effects of emotional or physical abuse; the challenges of shared custody—the list could go on.

It’s one thing to understand more about what she had on her plate, but it’s quite another to actually live it day after day—and while other single moms can relate, everybody’s situation is unique and different.

But there is One who does know us completely.[1] There is One who knows all of our anxious thoughts.[2] There is One who keeps a record of all of our tears.[3] Jesus can empathize with the single mom who feels the crushing weight of her responsibility, because he shouldered the biggest burden—the cross—alone, too. 

And it’s with this knowledge that Jesus asks us to look after those in particular need in our churches.[4] In fact, God gives us all to one another, to serve one another, so that together we would grow and become mature in Christ.[5] 

So how can we love and serve the single moms in our church family? I asked that question to some single moms, including my own mom, and five common things came up in response. What follows is not exhaustive and doesn’t cover every mom or situation. Please do ask the women in your own life or church family what they’d find most helpful. 

Love Her by Being a Good Friend

Single moms need really good friends. Friends she can share her troubles with, without fear of judgment. Friends she can have fun with. Friends she can go to for wisdom and perspective when she has a tricky decision to make. Friends she can pray with when she feels too weak to carry both her own sorrows and those of her kids. Friends who will keep her accountable. Friends who will remind her of God’s sovereignty and life-giving power when the statistics about children of divorced parents keep her awake at night. Friends who admit that they don’t have it all together either—friends who are real with her and ask for prayer themselves. As we read in Proverbs, “a friend loves at all times” and “the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel” (Proverbs 17:17; 27:9).  

Love Her by Pointing Her to Jesus

Lots of single moms find there aren’t many opportunities to meet with other Christians for mutual encouragement. If she works outside of the home, she may not be able to get to a Bible study or the church toddler group during the day. And the age, or the needs, of her children may mean she can’t join a fellowship group in the evening either. 

Jesus tells us to “consider how to stir up one another to love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24-25, emphasis mine). So let’s think about how we can encourage our single friends. Could you offer to read the Bible with her at her house? Could you arrange to chat and pray over the phone one evening? Could you ask her what she finds most difficult about her week, and send her words of encouragement at those times? And if you’re on your church leadership team, might you think about running a Bible study group online for those who can’t get out to one physically? Or might you be able to accommodate the childcare and scheduling needs of moms in different circumstances so they can meet in person?

Love Her at Church

Going to church on a Sunday can be emotionally difficult for single moms. It might be that seeing lots of happily married couples and “normal” families encourages her heart, but this might also be like touching a bruise—she might feel renewed pain about the situation she never imagined she’d be in. She might feel like the odd one out. So, let’s live out our unity in Christ and spend time with her—something as simple as inviting her over for lunch after the service can make a big difference.[6] 

If you’re on your church staff team, another way to help her to feel a sense of belonging is by asking her to use her gifts to serve her church family—just be sensitive to whether that might be too much for her, given the season she’s in. 

Depending on her personality, she may also worry about finding herself surrounded by people, but with no one to talk to. When I’m chatting with someone after the service and the conversation comes to a natural end, I’ll go and join my husband if those around me are tied up with other people. Perhaps you do the same. And the single mom may have gotten used to being able to do that. If she’s in that situation and she has young children, she can busy herself with them. But if her children are older and spending time with their friends, or if they are with their dad that weekend, she can quickly feel lonely. So let’s keep our eyes peeled, and make sure she’s not on her own!

If she’s got young children, she might also appreciate another pair of hands to help look after them during the service. 

Love Her Child(ren)

The single mom may feel like she’s constantly fire-fighting—always tackling what’s most urgent in front of her. Lots of single moms find that the little time they have to read the Bible and pray with their kids often gets squeezed. And some also have the added concern that their kids are being taught to live according to a different worldview by their dad. 

So she’d love us to spend time with her kids, with the intention of pointing them to Jesus. It doesn’t have to be a long, in-depth theological discussion. A few minutes’ encouragement over games and a pizza, on a family walk, or during a car trip would be great. 

Similarly, single moms long for their children to be given examples of what Christ-centered marriages and godly men look like. Why not include them in the ordinary things in our week, like a family movie night, or invite them to play in the backyard on a Saturday afternoon? 

Love Her Practically

Single moms are in great need of rest! Why don’t we ask her how we can help her to pause during the week? We could bring a meal over once in a while, pick her kids up from one of their groups, offer to babysit one evening, invite her out to the movies, or go for a coffee together.

Some single moms would love to know there is someone they can call if ever they need an extra pair of hands or a different set of skills, too—for example, helping her to move very heavy furniture. Remember it might be difficult to actually ask for help, so let’s take the initiative and invite her to get in touch if she needs to, or even tell her when we’re free and ask how we can help.

Finally, an empty nest is hard for all moms, but could be especially hard for the single mom. My friend Jean once said, “I can always find someone to do something with. What I need is someone to do nothing with.” So let’s be there for her when this day comes.

We won’t be able to do everything in this article, but let’s prayerfully identify how we can love and care for our single mom friends in the season that we’re in—and, in doing so, point her to the One who loved us in our time of greatest need.[7]

[1] Psalm 139:1 

[2] Psalm 139:23 

[3] Psalm 56:8

[4] James 1:27

[5] Ephesians 4:12–13

[6] Ephesians 4:3

[7] Ephesians 2:1–5

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